The end of 2024 is fast approaching. It was a hell of a bad year. I’d planned to blog here about life after retirement, but it was far too difficult and painful to even think about, much less write about. I’ve been through more than one person should have to handle in just a few months, but I’m here now. No, I’m not ready to post about any of it. Probably never will.

Last week, I actually started writing a novella (a short novel) that was really more of a memoir. I thought I’d publish it in the hopes that maybe someone, having a similar experience, might benefit from another’s perspective. But more importantly (since honestly it would probably never get read by anyone), I hoped it would bring a sense of closure to me.

I wrote over 10,000 words in just 3 days. For those of you who aren’t writers, that’s a lot of words in a very short time. I discovered that it is much easier to write about real life than it is to make up a fictional story. Anyway, the point is that I’ve decided not to finish it. It would be so easy to finish it. I could probably have it ready to publish within a week or two. But I don’t need to. I got enough of it out to find my closure. Just the mere act of writing it down enabled me to let it all go.

I feel free. Free from all of the sadness. Free from all of the depression. I’m sure some of that sadness will rear its head occasionally, but that big, tangled ball of pain has diminished to a few thin strands.

I noticed an interesting thing this morning. It’s a windy day. I was watching the stream of water flow in the patio water fountain. And then a stronger gust of wind blew the stream right outside of the container. The entire stream BENT. I suppose that’s normal, but I’d never seen it before. I guess I always assumed the wind would break THROUGH the stream, dispersing the stream into lots of individual water droplets. But the stream didn’t break. It bent! It isn’t as fragile and breakable as I’d imagined. It is much more like a solid object that has the ability to flex in adverse conditions yet still remain intact. The images at the top of the post are those of the actual water fountain on the patio. They were taken later this morning when the wind had died down considerably. But I still managed to capture some of the effect of the wind bending the stream rather than breaking it.

I am that stream. The tortuous winds of life have battered me over and over and over again this year. I’ve felt broken for so long. But, surprise! I’m not broken. Turns out, I’ve just been bending and holding strong against the winds. Sure, some of the life within me has splashed out over the sides. But the essentials are all still there.

I’m better for it. I’ve learned a lot. A lot, a lot! I’m a different person now but I’m also the same person too.

When life batters you, think of that stream of water. It will be you.